Saturday, August 25, 2012

Dear Ari & Briggs

The dreaded week arrived. And I've been totally putting off this post because, well, I can't even wrap my head around how to explain or write what it's like going back to work after having the last 5.5 months off with you two little chicken butts.

So I'm putting it plain and simple. I've cried everyday since I've gone back. Even today when I'm not even going to work. Anything can set me off into tears... turning into a crowded parking garage or getting a random text from someone saying, thinking about you or simply a song on the radio. I'm a crybaby. As a matter of fact, I'm teary just thinking about getting teary. But, that my little lovers is just a sign of where your momma's heart is at. Torn.

I'm not gonna lie. I've dropped the F bomb a lot the last week. I know, that isn't right. But I'm angry. And when momma's angry I swear. WEIRD. Lulu, I know that isn't my best word choice. Thank you (always) for that reminder.

I miss you guys. I know you miss me too. Ar, you told me last night before I tucked you in with tears in your eyeballs that you missed me becuase I make it loud in the house and Nonnie doesn't let you eat a lot of sugar (made me laugh and cry at the same time). Oh my little lulu bear, no one will ever let you eat as much sugar as I do...guarentee it.

Briggs, I think you are a little indifferent on the sitch. I get home, you look at me and smile then go right back to your toy or hands or grabbing your feet (yes! you can finally grab your toes #yogababy). I do know that you miss me a little because last night you woke up twice!! just to get some nuzzles with your momma. I'm ok with that. For realz...but let's not make that a nightly habit.

So my little angel babies. I'm heart broken. You see, Amazon loves ME so much they want me in their office every little single day of the week. Even with blood shot, puffy eyeballs.

This week I'm really, really, really going to try and not cry everyday. And be super positive. And know that this is just a dot (remember that crazy post) and that it's not always going to be like this.


Brieanne said...

Sad! So are you officially going back and staying back? You are a good mommy and a great role model for both kids! I think Loosy said it best when she said 'missing them makes me a better mom' :) Let me know if there is anything I can do to help! xoxo

Chiquitisha said...

I am crying because of this post! It sucks to have to go to work. I almost lost my mind twice after I had my two babies and went back! My heart goes out to you! I will say a little prayer for some stregth to you! hand in there lady, you will be fine...

Suz said...

Love you meggy. Survive.


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